got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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