Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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