I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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