I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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