Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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