Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
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