he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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