A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
