I just saw a hot homeless man
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
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There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
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You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I still have a little drunk in my system
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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