k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
