You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
