he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
