What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
