ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
