He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize