Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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