i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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