youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
