no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
