Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
