I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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