You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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