my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
