i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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