I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
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