All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Randomize
