Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
