does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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