We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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