3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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