words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
we're making bets on your personal life
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
