also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
