Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
