Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
