Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
