found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
