why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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