You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
