He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
there is glitter all over my balls
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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