Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
