hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize