Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
