It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
