Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
