She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
we're so committed to being not committed
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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