Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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