OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
