He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
