WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
