Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
