I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
There's a naked man in my car right now.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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