Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Randomize
