I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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