Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
