fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
