remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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