there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
it's not cheating when I paid for it
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
