So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
