maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
