"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
