I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
