Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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