Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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