I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
