I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
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